Video Transcript

Well, and you’re right, there will be triggers that will remind the person of something traumatic like their fear and in a way create flashbacks.  What we know about trauma, and this is a traumatic situation, is that the most… what causes… what makes it difficult for people to overcome trauma is not so much the nature of trauma.

Well, it is the nature of trauma, but in particular it is going through the trauma alone.  So when we go through something that is painful and we don’t have anybody on our side that can hold our hand, that can say, ‘Come on you can do it.  This is going to pass.  We’re going in a better place,’ whatever.  Then it becomes very difficult.

So when we the betrayed spouse has a flashback, if she or he can go to the other spouse and say, ‘I’m having a tough time today.  This is what’s happening to me.  Can you stay here with me?  Can you hold me?  Can you hold my hand?  Can you talk to me?  Can you listen to me?’  Whatever it takes.  ‘Can you reassure me?  Can you give me comfort?’

Now, oftentimes the other person feels bad, right?  So they don’t want to talk about it.  They feel bad.  But if they don’t they’re not helping their spouse.  They are, the person who had the affair is the single most important person that can help his or her spouse to get over the flashbacks.

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

Video Transcript

Well, you remember when I said when a person finds out his or her spouse is having an affair, there are two kinds of reactions, either, ‘Get out of here.  I can’t, I don’t want to be around you.  I’m so angry with you.’  Or fear, ‘Oh my gosh, you’re going to leave me, you’re going to leave me for the other person.

I’m going to be so alone.  So those are the two main reactions.  If the person reacts the first way, ‘Get out of here.  I don’t want to see you.’  So sex is the last thing that they’re going to think about for a while because this person feels so violated, so betrayed, and sex would trigger a lot of flashbacks and a lot of thoughts and fantasies about the lover.

So that’s something that they need to put on the back burner and work with the issues before they get there.  If the person, the betrayed spouse responds with, ‘Oh my gosh.  I’m so anxious.’  Or maybe they weren’t having sex before the affair and so then there is a lot of sex and it’s amazing.  You may be surprised.

At times when the spouses find out that the other person was having an affair, they have sex all the time.  And that’s one way of reconnecting with one another.  Of saying, ‘I’m here.’  Or saying, ‘Are you attracted to me?  I need the reassurance that you still are attracted to me sexually, physically.’  And so I see both scenarios.  I’ve seen both of them.  And it depends on each couple actually.

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

Video Transcript

I just mentioned to you what are the conditions for forgiveness.  And they are awareness of the repercussions of your behaviors on your spouse.  They are awareness that what you did was wrong.  The ability to feel remorse and the ability to do whatever work is necessary to repair the damage that you’ve caused.

So those are the four elements that are important in the process of forgiveness because we can forgive the past but we cannot forgive the present or the future.  And shouldn’t forgive the present or the future actually.  If you tell me, ‘I made a mistake in the past.  This is what I’ve done.  I feel very bad about it.  I want to repair it.  I want your forgiveness.  I’ll never do it again.’

Then I can work on forgiving you but if I suspect that, I know that you’ve done something wrong in the past, and I suspect you may still be doing it now, or you may be doing it again in the future, then I cannot forgive you, obviously.  So the first element in forgiveness is to realize that this is something that happened in the past but I don’t have to deal with that in the future, or in the present.  Otherwise you cannot trust.

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

Video Transcript

Well, the more infidelities, the more there is a pattern of infidelity, the more difficult the problem becomes obviously.  And people who have history of cheating are less likely to cheat but the key element, I would say, in whether or not the person is going to change, is going to stop certain behaviors that are inappropriate are awareness that they’ve done something that was wrong, awareness of the consequences of their behaviors on the families, the spouse and the family.  So they finally realize that, ‘Gosh, I can see how much my I hurt you.  I can see what horrible position I’ve put you in.  I can see how unfair of me it was to put you there.’

Empathize and also remorse, the ability to show remorse and feel remorse.  Because if you don’t feel remorse you’re going to do it again, right?  If you don’t care, you don’t have remorse, you’re likely to do it again.  But if you do show a really very remorseful, ‘I feel very bad.

I want to change my ways.  I want to work.  I want to do whatever it takes to change it. I don’t want to be that person.  And I don’t want to hurt you.’  And then they start to work and they are open about their progress.  Then you could build some trust again.

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

Video Transcript

Well, the child should be told as little as possible.  No details, no who is the person with whom the other person is having an affair, none of that.  Because we want the child to feel comfortable with both parents.  So you don’t want to say things that will create a conflict or hostility.  It’s not fair to the child.

And at times, the betrayed spouse may say something because she is so hurt or he is so hurt and they want to put the other want in a bad light.  But it’s not the other person only who suffers, the child suffers the most.  So it’s helpful to say, if they bring it up, ‘I understand,’ or ‘I found out,’ or whatever.  You say, ‘Dad and I,’ or ‘Mom and I are working on this.  We are working on this.’  That’s it.

You don’t really have to go in too much.  ‘We are trying to address the issues.  We are trying to work on them and hopefully we would be in a better place.’  And you don’t say anything else because at that point you don’t know, are you going to be together?  And the kids may say, ‘Are you going to get divorced?’

Because  they’re afraid of that.  But then again you can say, ‘We’re just working on the issues now.  We will let you know.  But we are working on the issues.  Just trust us that we are investing everything to make this, to deal with this situation the best way we can.

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

Video Transcript

Well, I would say as little as possible, because the affair affects two people, not one.  And so for instance, if one person feels so angry, ‘How could you have an affair?  So I’m going to tell your parents about it, that that’s what you did.’

Well, it’s not the betrayed person’s responsibility or place to do it.  If I’m the betrayed spouse for instance, and I want to talk to my best friend because I need somebody to confide in or want to tell to my mother because she’s very close to me and she’ll support me or my sister, I can do it.

But I’m not going to cross into his family for instance, and talk to his family because I would do it to put him down, I would do it to have his family stand on my side and I would expose him and I would embarrass him and I would shame him.

And that’s no good.  That would create more tension between the two people.  And so that’s not a way to repair.  They need to make an agreement, who are we going to talk to about this to?  And how are we going to do it?  And both of them need to be in agreement.  Now one thing that is absolutely a no-no is never tell your children.  The children, this is nothing that they should be involved in and they should be part of and should know about.

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

Well, first of all, you can be with the other person but if you are with the other person to discuss something that has to do with work and then you avoid that person, that is okay.  It is much more difficult to do for the person who is having the affair because it’s much easier to get past a relationship when you cut all kinds of contact obviously. But when people say, ‘I have to stay in touch with this person.’

Well, that person needs to realize that being in touch with that person means just dealing with the person as a co-worker and nothing else.  That means not having lunch together; not being friends, because you cannot be friends and be lovers and it’s easier to shift from one to another.

You cannot really talk about personal things.  You cannot talk to each other outside of work.  I mean you have to set very strict parameters and ideally, not ideally, the relationship needs to end as an affair, immediately.  If the person wants to work on the relationship, on the marriage, the extra marital affair needs to end.  That’s, if it continues there is no way you’re working on the marriage.  So and whether they see each other or not in once circumstance or the other, that’s irrelevant.

What’s important is that person makes the decision in his or her mind, ‘This relationship is over.  So I’m not going to engage in any situation.  I’m not going to find any excuse to be close to that person.  I’m not going to do anything that I know would be my way of trying to stay in touch with that person.’

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

Video Transcript

Now, we we’re talking about divorce and everything else earlier.  The age group in this country, the age group where there is the highest increase in divorces.  You may be surprised, it’s couples in their 50’s and in their 60’s.  It’s called gray divorces, gray, from gray hair.  That’s the highest percentage, the highest increase in divorces. So people have been together 20 years, 30 years.

They know each other well.  The kids are gone.  All of a sudden they feel, ‘Oh gee.  Is that all there is in life?  And then they reconnect with a, say, high school sweetheart through Facebook or whatever or reunion.  They reconnect with this person.  And all of a sudden they get excited again.  They feel young again.  This relationship takes them back to a time when life was wonderful.

Future was in front of them instead of looking at, ‘I’m getting old,’ and whatever.  ‘There are certain things that I can no longer do.’  And so all of that is very exciting but it’s a way of not really staying in touch with reality, because that’s a fantasy.  And all new relationships are fantasies at the beginning because we project on to that person everything we want to see in that person.  So when you’re in love with somebody, that person is the best, always, right?

We minimize the negative and maximize and focus on the positive because our feelings distort our perception of that person.  Now there are may be times when people are in very unhappy relationships, very unhappy marriages.  They find another person who is absolutely responding and connecting with them for who they are right now.

And may be that relationship is going to be a good relationship for them but remember I told you the statistics, they are very low.  Very, very few of these relationships will turn out into healthy, long term relationships.

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

Well, the first thing that I would say is that when you compare a spouse, maybe a spouse of many years, to a lover.  The lover always wins because it’s new, it’s exciting, it’s forbidden.  So there are more fantasies about it.  The other one is more you know about it.  It’s kind of boring, it’s routine.

So when you compare the two, you always want to stay with the lover, if you go with the feelings, because you’re in love and being in love with somebody, the brain of the person in love seen under an MRI machine looks exactly like the brain of a person on cocaine.

Exactly, there is no difference between the two.  What’s called the reward system of the brain, which is well the dopamine is overworking in both cases.  And so all you want is you want the next fix, right?  If you’re in love you want to see your lover again.  You think about it.

There is the same intensity, the same obsessive thinking.  Everything else is secondary; this becomes the most important thing in your life.  You have a lot of energy, you have a lot of excitement.  You don’t want to sleep.  So how can you compare to how you feel for a person with whom you have been for say the last 20 years?

You cannot sustain this kind of feelings in the long run.  Even in very loving and closed long term relationships, these feelings come and go.  But you cannot have them all the time because when you have them all the time, you cannot function, you cannot go to work, you cannot think about anything else, right?

And we know that the reward system, the dopamine system gets activated when we are in situations that are risky, where there is secrecy, where there is novelty.  So all of that is so appealing that, emotionally, we go towards it.  What I would tell everybody that is in that situation is remember, all relationships, that those feelings don’t last forever.  They last at the most, 18 months.

So if you choose to be with your lover because of the feelings you have for him or for her right now, just remember that 18 months down the road, two years down the road, you would be in the same situation.

To access the complete interview, visit www.bouncebackfrombetrayal.com.

About Dr. Daniela Roher

Dr. Daniela Roher lives in Arizona where she has a private psychotherapy practice working with individuals and couples who want to achieve their goals of living more fulfilled lives.

To know more about Dr. Daniela, visit her website, www.droherphd.com.

When someone expects his or her partner is having an affair, there is usually much more going on in the relationship than just an affair. If a person is at the point of suspecting an affair, the relationship has already been in trouble for some time. If there is no obvious proof of an affair, this is where I would urge my clients to start.

The door of communication needs to begin to gently open in order to shed some light on what is really going on in the marriage, which may or may not lead to finding out the truth about whether or not an affair is taking place, but starting at square one, the relationship, is what the focus should be in the beginning.

All a suspecting partner wants in the time of suspecting betrayal is the truth, and there is no better way to NOT get what you want than to “attack” your partner with an accusation. And attacked he/she will feel, even if he/she is guilty of an affair. What comes next is defenses go up on both sides, effective communication probably ceases altogether, and things are said by both parties that hurt, scar, and say things that can’t be taken back.

Someone who suspects his or her partner is cheating, needs to set a date and time with the partner to have a “serious, mature, and calm conversation about the state of the relationship.” This initial statement will raise defenses in both partners, but setting time aside later for the actual confrontation of the relationship will give each person’s physiological levels to calm back down to normal which is essential in being able to communicate clearly, but more importantly,to be able to HEAR what your partner is saying.

The suspecting partner might begin the important conversation with, “I’ve been feeling that our relationship has changed, and not for the better. I have noticed some things from you that make me think you haven’t been very happy either. Do you agree?” Then listen. Then the each partner needs to say how he or she FEELS about it. Sad? Angry? Hurt? Relieved?

The idea is to keep this as calm as possible in order to not repeat cycles of bad communication. It’s hard, but listening to your partner, HEARING, what they say is one of the biggest keys in getting to the bottom of everything. This does NOT mean you have to agree with them or even come to understand why they think the way they do, but each person does need to be heard and considered.

An affair could be seen as a bandage covering the actual wound: the suffering relationship. As instinctual as it may seem, the affair is not the main issue. Starting at the source of the issue in order to open up a mature, honest dialogue between partners in order to get to the bottom of everything is crucial.

Q2. That makes a lot of sense. So often though even when the betrayed spouse is prepared to have the conversation with the suspected wayward spouse, they don’t quite get the answers they are looking for. Very few people actually admit to having affairs, so they either deny or lie even more, accuse the spouse of being jealous, paranoid and controlling. This makes the betrayed spouse feel guilty or they get more frustrated by the indifferent, cold attitude of their spouse or they become more suspicious when the red flags continue in the relationship.

What do you suggest someone do when they want to have a conversation with a rather indifferent, uncooperative, lying spouse?

Most likely, the suspecting (betrayed) spouse is going to encounter defensiveness from the suspected (of cheating) spouse, and if the spouse is or has actually had an affair, you can pretty much count on getting a defensive, cold shoulder. That’s one reason beginning the whole communication process is most beneficial to focus on the relationship itself.

When dealing with a spouse who is indifferent and has a cold attitude, and possibly lying, the suspecting spouse needs to be realistic about the things he or she can control. The suspected spouse, and his or her attitude and actions, are not one of them. As much as we want to be able to make our spouse care about us, open up to us, and be truthful with us, the bottom line is, it isn’t up to us. It sounds hopeless, right? Well, it’s not.

If a suspecting spouse feels helpless or powerless in the relationship because the defensive, cold spouse doesn’t want to open up, it’s time to really turn the focus and the attention to self preservation and self examination.

This involves some time, effort, and a lot of self love to begin really looking at what you need and want. This involves tough, hard questions, and requires tough, honest answers. If your spouse continues to be cold, aloof, and a possible liar, are you okay with that? Is that good enough for you. Are you ready to focus on what makes you happy as an individual, while allowing your partner to choose to be responsible for his or her happiness? Are you willing to fight tooth and nail for your marriage through marital counseling? Are you willing to throw in the towel and walk away if nothing changes? Or, are you willing to try to be happy in your relationship if your spouse continues whatever undesirable behavior he or she is displaying? Each person needs to be aware of what their internal barometer is of “Good Enough.” Good enough is the real goal here. There are different levels of good enough. What is yours?

Turning the focus inward by means of individual counseling, journaling, focusing on healthy personal relationships with family and friends, doing things you enjoy, etc… helps you begin to feel empowered. Empowerment helps focus enter back into your life again. You begin to trust yourself and your judgement again. Your partner will notice the change in you, gauranteed. From there… well, it’s one step at a time.

Q3. You touched upon a very important point here- turning inwards for self examination and self-preservation. I cannot tell you the number of emails I get from our readers who are in this desperate state of mind trying to win their straying spouse back by begging, pleading, crying, sometimes threatening, bad-mouthing the other person and trying to infuse logic in their mind. Most of the times, these just don’t work and even worse they turn the straying spouse further away which makes the betrayed spouse even more desperate, angry and negative.

I can completely understand the emotions that would run through someone’s mind when they suspect or know their loved one is having an affair. It is not easy to grapple with such thoughts and asking someone to be calm and composed is easier said than done. But your recommendation works and a number of readers have in fact told us that when they focused on themselves, their spouse seemed more receptive and willing to listen to them.

One of the problems a betrayed spouse faces after the discovery of affair is getting the straying spouse to talk about. Most often the straying spouse don’t want to talk about the affair and prefer to rug-sweep the affair whereas the betrayed spouse feels the need to know about the affair to move forward with the healing process.

How important is it for couples to talk about the affair and what can a betrayed spouse do to encourage the straying spouse to openly and honestly talk about the affair?

So, now we’re talking about the fact that there has been a confirmation of an affair, but the cheating spouse doesn’t want to talk about it. Sometimes in order for a couple to even think about trying to move forward in their marriage, certain questions have to be answered. The spouse who was cheated on feels betrayed, lied to, “kept in the dark.” This partner, no doubt, wants a complete turn around. This person wants answers. This person deserves answers.

The biggest reason a betrayed spouse wants answers is because they are trying to internally figure out if they can trust the straying spouse ever again. However, emotions of the betrayed spouse need to be kept in check. It is very tempting to want to know every detail of the affair, but most of the time, this does more harm than good. It’s hard enough knowing your spouse was with someone else physically, and even worse to have descriptive mental images to go along with those thoughts. So, avoid the temptation of pressing for physical details about the affair, especially since there is no better way to put the straying spouse on the defensive and completely shut down the lines of communication.

A good place to begin to get your spouse to open up about the affair is to clearly communicate WHY you want to talk about it. What is your goal? What is the pay off in knowing details about the affair? Taking time focusing on oneself beforehand to clearly determine what you want can help focus the conversation into a constructive one, rather than a destructive one. Ask questions of the straying spouse that focus on the emotions and state of the marriage, and of your spouse, that may have led to him or her stepping outside of the marriage. Try to void asking questions that appear to compare yourself with the person your spouse cheated with. This affair never should have happened regardless of the state of the marriage, and the fact that the straying spouse dealt indirectly with either his or her own issues, or the issues of the marriage, by having an affair is solely the responsibility of the straying spouse.

The betrayed spouse tends to feel or ask, “Why am I not good enough for you?? Why don’t I make you happy enough?? What did you get from him/her that you don’t get from me??” The difficult thing to remember is that no one can control anyone else, therefore, the betrayed spouse had little or nothing to do with the fact that an affair took place. (Partially responsible for the state of the marriage, yes, but not of the affair itself.) Once you realize the blame is lifted off of you, some kind of compassion or empathy (hopefully) might be felt for the straying spouse, and if this can be conveyed to the straying spouse, he or she will be much more willing to open up.

Q4. Great insights. In fact a number of our readers struggle with problems of infidelity flashbacks and mind movies of their spouse with the affair partner. They end up knowing so much about the affair that almost anything and everything reminds them about the affair.

Can you share some practical strategies that can help the betrayed spouse overcome the infidelity flashbacks and mind movies?

What we are really dealing with here is anxiety. Infidelity flashbacks and mind movies can conjure up intense feelings and symptoms of anxiety. How best to deal with these symptoms is going to be highly individualistic.

Individual therapy, couples therapy, self-soothing techniques, exercise, avoiding alcohol, and even possibly medication can help alleviate these symptoms and help our physical bodies return to normal.

It’s hard for a person to get a grip on what is going through their head when they exhibit physical symptoms such as elevated heart rate, a continuous feeling of panic, body aches, change in appetite, or poor sleep.

For some people, dealing with the anxiety of the flashbacks and mind movies begins with their brain/emotions, for others, they need to get the physical symptoms under control first, then they can think more clearly and calmly in order to work on eliminating those flashbacks.

Either way, the idea is to control the anxiety associated with them. It takes the power away from the devastating effects those pictures can have. Techniques like thought stopping – literally distracting yourself and forcing yourself to think of something different – can help stop the cycle of ruminating thoughts.

Q5. Is it a bigger problem when an affair happens early in a committed relationship or marriage compared to an affair that happens in a fairly longer marriage?

A long answer made short is… it depends.  Regardless of the length of the relationship, an affair can have devastating effects and scar any relationship.  The red flags that fly in either situation are somewhat different, but both situations can have a chance at reconciliation, but for different reasons.

Longer marriages have things that early (young) marriages don’t such as history.  People who have been married for a long time have established traditions, created family memories, have shared a home together for a long time, are more financially intertwined with each other, they probably have children, and maybe even grandchildren.  These can be both better and worse for the chance of survival.  A betrayed spouse is probably less likely to just pack up and leave the marriage when there are so many other things to consider.  This history, this long life together, may make both partners really determined to try to work on the marriage because they have so much invested.  However, the downside to a marriage full of memories, history, and children is that everything you thought you knew to be true and good now suddenly doesn’t seem to be.  The trust that one may have thought was there for many years has been broken.  It may be very, very hard to open oneself up to trusting a long term partner again, even to the point of considering trying to save the marriage.

A newer marriage with no lengthy history of fidelity and trust for the couple to fall back on is starting off on quite a rocky note.  This may be a sign of repetitive behavior of the cheating spouse, or it may be an early warning sign for the couple to get their stuff together before they have years to practice bad relationship habits.  If the marriage was unhealthy in the first place (and it was if an affair has already taken place,) there is less time and history of the bad habits, therefore, it might possibly be easier for the couple to improve on habits that haven’t been ingrained in then for years and years.

We also have to look at what got the marriage to the point of an affair in the first place.  Both new and long term marriages that have suffered infidelity have this as the common denominator and is the real focus of whether or not the relationship can survive and hopefully, in the end, flourish.

Q6. Can you please walk through the healing and rebuilding process for couples after the affair?

“How frightening is the past that awaits us.” -Antonin Slonimski

Isn’t this in the back of everyone’s mind who is begins the journey of rebuilding after an affair? The fear of all of this hurt and pain happening all over again is so prominent in the mind of both partners, guaranteed The healing and rebuilding process begins when each partner makes the decision to stop pointing fingers at the other, and to really, REALLY, honestly look at how they, themselves contributed to the problems at home.

The real goal is to take a look at how to function independently, how to better connect with others, how to feel safer emotionally, how to feel valued to oneself, and to live within realistic limitations. This introspective work is usually best done with Individual therapy, either before or during couples counseling. There are many books and resources out there that can assist you on your way if you’re committed to finishing the books, and doing your homework. This goes for each partner.

One has to be willing and able to heal in order to begin the rebuilding process.

Q7. What are some precautions that you would recommend couples take in order to prevent affairs?

This is an old analogy, but it’s one worth repeating… How do you keeps weeds from growing in your garden? The answer is pull the weeds. Regularly.

If you care about your garden, you pull the weeds as they come. Everyone knows that if you ignore your garden for too long, the weeds grow so out of control that they will cover up and overshadow the flowers. The decision then becomes, do you work your tail off and get rid all of the weeds, or do you throw your hands up and say, “Forget it. I don’t have the energy.”?

Never stop courting your partner. Remember the golden rule. If you want a good relationship from day one until death do you part, you better be ready to put in the work. Keep an open dialogue with your partner from the beginning that you expect him or her to also be willing to work hard to stay close and connected. Learn each other’s love languages and convey love to your partner in his or her language, not your own. Most importantly, in my opinion, is don’t be too proud or stubborn to get couple’s counseling. I see it time and time again where couples wait until their love tanks are so empty and they are so hurt that it takes extensive time and an extraordinary amount of effort to keep the marriage going.

Maintaining a good marriage is definitely better than having to do damage control later on.

About Brandy Brown

Brandy Brown is the owner and founder of Brandy Brown, MA, LLC, Psychotherapy. She is a Masters level psychotherapist with experience in helping individuals, couples and families navigate their way through many of the issues life throws us.

To know more about Brandy, visit her website, www.brandybrowncounseling.com.