How to deal with infidelity flashbacks?

How to deal with infidelity flashbacks

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Video Transcript Well, and you’re right, there will be triggers that will remind the person of something traumatic like their fear and in a way create flashbacks.  What we know about trauma, and this is a traumatic situation, is that the most... what causes... what makes it difficult for people to overcome trauma is not so much the nature of trauma. Well, it is the nature of trauma, but in particular it is going Read the full article →

How to resume sex after the affair?

How to resume sex after the affair

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Video Transcript Well, you remember when I said when a person finds out his or her spouse is having an affair, there are two kinds of reactions, either, ‘Get out of here.  I can’t, I don’t want to be around you.  I’m so angry with you.’  Or fear, ‘Oh my gosh, you’re going to leave me, you’re going to leave me for the other person. I’m going to be so alone.  So those are the two main reactions.  If Read the full article →

What are the elements of the forgiveness process?

What are the elements of the forgiveness process

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Video Transcript I just mentioned to you what are the conditions for forgiveness.  And they are awareness of the repercussions of your behaviors on your spouse.  They are awareness that what you did was wrong.  The ability to feel remorse and the ability to do whatever work is necessary to repair the damage that you’ve caused. So those are the four elements that are important in the process of forgiveness because we Read the full article →

Is there any hope when there have been multiple affairs?

Is there any hope when there have been multiple affairs

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Video Transcript Well, the more infidelities, the more there is a pattern of infidelity, the more difficult the problem becomes obviously.  And people who have history of cheating are less likely to cheat but the key element, I would say, in whether or not the person is going to change, is going to stop certain behaviors that are inappropriate are awareness that they’ve done something that was wrong, awareness of the Read the full article →

What should I tell my children when they ask me about the affair?

What should I tell my children when they ask me about the affair

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Video Transcript Well, the child should be told as little as possible.  No details, no who is the person with whom the other person is having an affair, none of that.  Because we want the child to feel comfortable with both parents.  So you don’t want to say things that will create a conflict or hostility.  It’s not fair to the child. And at times, the betrayed spouse may say something because she is so hurt or Read the full article →

Should I tell the family about the affair?

Should I tell the family about the affair?

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Video Transcript Well, I would say as little as possible, because the affair affects two people, not one.  And so for instance, if one person feels so angry, ‘How could you have an affair?  So I’m going to tell your parents about it, that that’s what you did.’ Well, it’s not the betrayed person’s responsibility or place to do it.  If I’m the betrayed spouse for instance, and I want to talk to my best Read the full article →

How to rebuild trust after the affair when contact with the affair partner is unavoidable?

How to rebuild trust after the affair when contact with the affair partner is unavoidable?

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Well, first of all, you can be with the other person but if you are with the other person to discuss something that has to do with work and then you avoid that person, that is okay.  It is much more difficult to do for the person who is having the affair because it’s much easier to get past a relationship when you cut all kinds of contact obviously. But when people say, ‘I have to stay in touch with this Read the full article →

Why older couples are vulnerable to affairs?

Why older couples are vulnerable to affairs

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Video Transcript Now, we we’re talking about divorce and everything else earlier.  The age group in this country, the age group where there is the highest increase in divorces.  You may be surprised, it’s couples in their 50’s and in their 60’s.  It’s called gray divorces, gray, from gray hair.  That’s the highest percentage, the highest increase in divorces. So people have been together 20 years, 30 Read the full article →

Why it is illogical to compare the feelings you have with your affair partner to the feelings you have for your spouse?

Why it is illogical to compare the feelings you have with your affair partner to the feelings you have for your spouse?

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Well, the first thing that I would say is that when you compare a spouse, maybe a spouse of many years, to a lover.  The lover always wins because it’s new, it’s exciting, it’s forbidden.  So there are more fantasies about it.  The other one is more you know about it.  It’s kind of boring, it’s routine. So when you compare the two, you always want to stay with the lover, if you go with the feelings, because Read the full article →

Why the betrayed spouse needs more time to recover from the affair?

Why the betrayed spouse needs more time to recover from the affair?

The transcript below is from the interview with Dr. Daniela Roher. Video Transcript It doesn’t progress at the same time.  But the two positions are interchangeable, meaning there are times when one partner may feel, ‘Okay, we are getting to a good place.  I feel good.’  And their partner feels like, ‘Oh no.  We’re not there at all.’  And then, maybe the next week or the next month, they are in each other’s position.  According to what’s going on.  Usually the one Read the full article →